Today I woke up grumpy. I'm feeling tired, I haven't showered in days (because I've been using shower time to get some much-needed rest... why is DST still a thing??!) but anyway. My grumpiness didn't fade throughout the day, even though I wanted it to.I tried reading and cleaning and playing with Von. I even turned on The Bachelor before getting annoyed with that too. I was able to FaceTime with my sister and that made things a lot better.And then Von decided that she wasn't going to take a nap which meant that most of the afternoon/evening was spent with her in my arms because she was too grumpy and tired to play on her own.Have you ever made dinner with a baby in your arms? It's a skill I didn't know I had.
I'm really not sharing all of this to complain, I'm sharing to tell what I learned.
As I was making dinner, with Von on one hip/arm and using my other hand to prep and cook everything, I started listening to Girl, Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis. I enjoyed Girl, Wash Your Face and was excited to get into her new book.I'm loving it even more than her first book.One line though really stuck out to me.
You Were Made For More
Made for more as a woman, as a mom, as a person. This hit me hard because I've been feeling stuck. I have dreams of being an author and yet there's this part of me that's terrified to actually write. But as I listened to this part of Rachel's book, I felt like her words were exactly for me.Right now I really am looking for more. More joy in motherhood. More joy in the day to day tasks of being a homemaker + stay at home mom. Being more of myself and following more of my dreams.I've been stuck, feeling like I didn't have a real purpose in any of this. Wondering if I can actually do the things that I want to do, and the things that I feel called to do. This little section of the book stood out and hit me hard because it was the exact thing I needed to hear.I don't need to wait for any one's approval or permission to chase my dreams and to better my life. I can do that starting today. This life is our time to improve ourselves and prepare to meet God. I want to be better, I want to be more.I love that I'm learning this now because it makes me excited to teach Von this too. That she has so much potential to do good and create amazing things and learn about God and I want to help her as much as I can.Today was long. Von didn't nap, but thankfully she went to bed pretty easily and I'm just crossing my fingers that she sleeps all night. But as soon as she was asleep, I held her in my arms and looked and her and couldn't help but think "you are made for more baby girl" and I'm so glad that I not only get to be more myself but also help Von be more as well.