Von’s grandparents were in town right before grandparents day.Read More
Thinking about how Von’s little hands play such a big role in the day to day part of my life.Read More
Life lately, vol 1 - a mini life update about all the things happening right now in our lives.Read More
I know a lot of moms love the newborn stage and say it was/is their favorite.
I’m happy for those people, but I wasn’t one of them.
I was so exhausted (and I really really don’t do well on that little sleep), my boobs hurt, I was sore from pushing out a baby. And while I did love smelling her newborn smell and having snuggles 24/7, it wasn’t my favorite stage.
I’m really loving this stage. Everyday Von is learning new words and new things. She loves to have dance parties and snuggle in the morning. Her favorite thing in the morning is to go to the fridge, try to open it, and ask for chocolate 😂 girl, I got you. Just after we we breakfast.
I love how she smiles at me, hugs me, and gives me random kisses. I love that she falls asleep in my arms for most naps and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
We read books and dance and laugh a lot. We also both cry sometimes.
Today we played with this little dog we have. I would chase her with it and say “woof woof woof” and then she would say “woof woof woof” as she ran away laughing.
I really struggled in the beginning of being a mom.
Now I'm trying to enjoy this stage that we’re in and that’s my goal for every next stage of life.
There are hard and beautiful parts of every stage, and I want to be better at seeing more of the good.
As I was sitting in the bathroom, watching Von play in the tub. I felt that familiar feeling of 'not enough' creep in. I asked myself if I really was 'enough of a mom' to talk about motherhood and mom life here on my blog and on social media.
Even as I type that, it makes me laugh a little. Of course I'm 'enough of a mom' because I am a mom. Whether you have one baby or twelve, you're a mother. The amount of kids doesn't change that fact.
And then I started thinking. One of my favorite bloggers, Erica, mention a while ago how as women we're constantly bombarded with messages that often seem to conflict. 'You are enough' and 'you were made for more' how can we be enough but also be made for more at the same time?
Tonight, as I watched Von play in the tub it hit me.
Von is enough. Just as she is. She's perfect and smart and learning and happy and she's a baby. Which means she's also made for more, she isn't going to be a baby forever. Every day she grows a little more, learns a little more, and becomes a little more.
We're like that too. We're all God's children. And because of Him, we are enough. We are alive and being alive makes us enough, just as we are. But just like little babies, we're also made for more. We all have greatness inside of us. We can all do more than we think we can.
I think I sometimes get caught up in this though. The need to be more right now, right away. Even though no one said that I needed to have all of my goals and dreams accomplished right now. That's often an expectation that I put on myself.
Tonight Von taught me that I am enough and that I'm made for more. That I have so much potential, and that I don't have to hit that success right now. I can grow, little by little, day by day just like she does.
We are enough. You are enough. And you are also made for more.
Sometimes I forget that Von is just a tiny little human. That it's not her fault when she cries or can't fall asleep because she's so tired. She doesn't know how to be a human. She can't talk or tell me what's bothering her or what she needs. Sometimes I forget that she's just a baby and that I shouldn't hold her to the standard that I hold myself or adults. Because when I do that, I get frustrated.
Sometimes I forget that I'm human too. That I do need to rest and recharge and take breaks from things that are draining. Sometimes I forget that I don't have to do it all alone, that I've got a big support system with Griffin, my family, friends, and of course, God.
Sometimes I forget about God.
Tonight a lot of things changed.
The past few nights have been tough since Von will go to bed then wake up an hour or two later and be awake for a couple of hours. She doesn't really want to play and she isn't cranky but she won't let us rock her or snuggle her even though she's so tired and she just cries and cries and cries if we put her in her crib (I'm not a huge fan of the cry it out method.) And tonight as I was trying to get her down at 8, she was already starting to fight it and I got frustrated real fast.
I put her in her crib and she cried and cried and cried and I went and asked Griffin for a blessing. I was praying and praying and praying but I couldn't get over my feelings of fear that Von would be awake until midnight like she was last night and I couldn't let go of my frustrations.
I'm feeling so thankful for that blessing. It was everything I needed to hear and after I was able to go and pick up Von and even though it took a bit to get her to sleep, she's currently sleeping and I'm praying she'll sleep through the night.
But I also realized a few things (and God told me a few things through Griffin's blessings) Being a mom is a gift, one that I take for granted all too often. I need to focus more on love and less on everything else that I've been focusing on.
I'm going to take a step back from social media for a while so that I can clear my head and stop the constant flow of inspiration (and comparison). I'm writing tonight because this is something that I want to document. And essentially my blog has been my journal in the past and it will be more like that for a while.
I don't know how often I'll post, but I know I'll be talking more about the real stuff instead of trying so hard to be that blogger/influencer that I wanted to be for a while. Right now my #1 job is being Von's mom (and my 2nd is writing a book because I really want to do that and feel called to do that.)
Sometimes I forget who I am and what my purpose is in life at this moment. But I want to remember and I want to be better.