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Monday night I woke up around 1:50 to Von crying. I went and snuggled with her for a few minutes. Her breathing slowed and I put her back in her bed. I say on the floor, my eyes closed, as I waited for her to fall back asleep completely.
At some point, she rolled over and made her bed creak and I jumped. My eyes flying open and my heart beating fast. I went back to bed feeling a little on edge. When she woke up again a little later, Griffin went to calm her and I dozed. Only to wake up a little later in a complete panic.
I have no idea why. I couldn’t remember my dream at all. But it took a while to calm my mind and body so that I could actually sleep. I woke up exhausted and feeling heavy.
I went to a free online class/webinar hosted by Lara from Cultivate What Matters. Where we had a discussion about how different this time is. How we need to grieve what we’ve lost in this time. Whether that’s not being with family, or loss of personal time and space. Or just grieving the fact that this could last a long time.
Then we dove into our Powersheets. It was time for our goal refresh, which I hadn’t wanted to do at all.
Why should I be looking at my goals when things seem so different than they did on January 1 when I picked them? But that’s exactly why I needed the refresh.
I felt my heart get lighter and lighter as Lara talked. This is a hard season, but good things can still happen here. She asked us how we want to remember this time? How did we spend it? Are there things we could be doing more of, less of?
I left feeling hopeful.
Feeling more ready to strengthen my faith in God so that I can be rooted in Him. So that we can have a Christ-centered home.
There is hope in this time of uncertainty.
There are things and goals we can be planting and growing now.
Spring is still happening. We might be stuck inside more than usual, but what if we use this time to change our hearts, to change our lives.
We don’t have to do this in big ways. These changes can be small because small things bring about great things.
So as I sit down with my Powersheets to write out my goals on my April tending list, I’m going to remember what I felt on Tuesday. And I’m going to remember that it’s okay to change the big goals that you set in January because you’re different now, the world is different now. So your goals can change.
My big goals for the next three months are:
Grow my faith. Build that deep connection with God
Shop small to support local and small businesses each month.
Create. Finish this draft of my novel and start to make it better. And create uplifting content for my blog and social media
Create new rhythms and routines for our home and our life.
I’ll share my April goals next week, once I figure out what daily, weekly, and monthly steps I can take to grow these 4 goals.
Today I was reminded that there is still hope. There is always still hope because there is a God who’s hand is stretched out. He may not come down and take away the virus. We have to do our part, staying in and washing our hands and not touching our faces. But He is a God of miracles and He will lift us up. Always.
There is still hope. And in this season of so much change, heartache, and uncertainty, I’m going to be clinging to that hope. That this will end. That life will be better, richer, fuller. And my hope is in and comes from, Him.
I’ve been thinking about this hope all week
We’ve had a pretty normal week. There’s been lots of sunshine, lots of afternoon walks as a family, and then we got snow yesterday. So you know, it’s been fun and weird and typical Colorado.
We flew a kite, which Von LOVED. She told us that she was a ‘farmer princess’ when she was wearing her overalls and pink John Deere hat. Von even said her first full sentence this week (longer than 3 words) she said “mommy do the fart noises” why? Because Griff was teaching her she could do that with her mouth.
We all laughed so hard and I cried and she kept asking “mommy okay?” It was pretty funny. She also says some funny things like “chill out” and “eat breakfast” for any meal. She’s also been playing a lot more by herself and it’s so fun to watch her imagination grow.
We’ve also watched Frozen and Frozen 2 about 10 million times so ya know, yay for Disney+. Next week we’ll try to branch out more.
It’s been a good week for us. I was reminded that there is still hope in all of this, that the sun still rises every single morning. One of my favorite parts of the week was when all of my extended family on my dad’s side got on a zoom call. We used to see each other every single Sunday when we were all growing up and living in Utah. We’ve spread out now, but it was so much fun to see all of my cousins and aunts and uncles and just the people who I love so much. We’ll be doing that again more, and like my cousin said, there’s nothing like a pandemic to bring us closer together again.
I’m looking forward to this weekend. We’ll be watching General Conference and I can’t wait to focus on Christ + hear words from the Prophet and Apostles. I’m sure it will be a conference to remember!
I hope you all had a good week! What’s one good thing that happened?
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