I sit on my bed, listening to the little chatter from Von’s room as she plays with her toys. Today they’re going on an airplane, playing at a park, and practicing going potty (so maybe potty training is sticking???)
It’s hot and I keep thinking how today feels nothing like the Fourth of July’s of my childhood, even though later we will be having a bbq.
My life feels like I’m at this standstill moment, but only for the briefest of seconds. I can see so clearly all the days that have come before and the days that are to come, while fuzzy, are in the direction I want to head.
I keep stumbling upon things online and in the real world that I want to fill my life with. Slower days, more gratitude, every day celebrations and so much more. I feel pulled to these things. As if the Spirit is trying to whisper to my heart “yes, try this. yes, do that.”
Part of me wants to feel frustrated. I feel like I’ve been at this crossroads before. I knew exactly what I wanted, and started living that way and then I got distracted. Sucked into parts of the digital world that I thought I longed for. When in reality I longed for something deeper.
But everything I was seeing in the world said that no, I couldn’t have that life that I craved. There was something pulling me from that path, so now I’m slowly making my way back. I am grateful though, grateful that we can change and fill our lives with things that fill us up when we keep coming up empty.
I keep thinking of the story of the prodigal son in the Bible. How he took the money his father gave him and went out and spent the money on what he thought he wanted. In the end, though, he returned. His father stood, welcoming him. In a way, this also happened to me. But I’m coming back and it really does feel like coming home.
I’m so grateful we can remember the past. That we can learn from it, grow because of it, and sometimes pick those parts that felt most true to us while continuing forward to create a beautiful life.