Hi friends. It’s been too long since I sat down and wrote an actual blog post. It’s been over a month since I even thought about blogging. During that month I thought about quitting completely. Why should I keep blogging when I wanna be an author? But why can’t I do both?
I took most of July off of social media and it was truly great. I’ve been working on a second book (more details about the first one coming, well, sometime). But then at some point, I got stuck and I’ve been in this stuck place for so long (it feels long even if it’s only been a few weeks.)
What if I can’t do this? Everything I’m writing is absolute garbage. Why do I want to be an author anyway? This plot isn’t working. This story isn’t working.
I don’t want to do this anymore.
I’ve been stuck in this place for a while now and because of it, I haven’t been writing at all. I started journaling through some things. I realized I was feeling frustrated in several areas in my life, not just creatively. After being a mom for 3.5, sometimes I feel like I’ve got this down. Other times, not so much. In the first few years, there were things that changed so often and we always seemed to be in a new phase. Once they hit the toddler years though, that slows down a bit.
But we’ve been in one of those big transition periods (quitting naps + still working on potty training) and it’s a lot. I’m feeling frustrated with where I’ve been asked to help at church, frustrated that the hope I felt about the pandemic getting better slowly dwindling as numbers go back up.
It’s a lot. It’s all a lot.
In therapy this morning, my therapist asked what I’ve been doing for fun lately and I couldn’t think of a single thing. She then suggested (nicely) that I start a hobby. So more on that some other time when I pick a few things I might try. But after our call I was thinking about how blogging used to be a hobby for me. It was a way to write my words and share them with the few people (HI FRIEND!) who read my blog regularly. But it was always a hobby for me until it wasn’t.
I think the time away helped me put that into perspective a bit. I still love blogging. And I can’t tell you how good it feels to be writing (er, typing) right now. It feels a little like coming home after being away for a while. Comforting. Normal.
Then a few other things happened today that pushed me to write tonight.
A few weeks ago, I ordered a custom sign from my friend’s sign shop. I’d been struggling to come up with a phrase that I wanted her to do until I came across this Instagram post and I knew that was exactly what I needed hanging above my desk.
Even if it’s bad. Even if it’s just for me.
I need to create. I feel it in my mind and body. Every day that I write is a better day for me, and yet so many days have passed recently without me writing. Just because I felt stuck. Because I didn’t want to blog as I have been.
Then tonight we fed the missionaries from our church and they shared the parable of the Talents in Matthew 25. We talked about how God has given us literal talents and gifts that we can use that He expects us to use for good. I felt that pinprick in my heart that maybe, just maybe, I should sit down and write a blog post because it’s been a while.
So here we are.
I’m not going to promise weekly or daily blog posts, because I honestly don’t know what writing/creating/blogging is going to look like right now. All I know is that I want to tell stories through fictional books and I want to write more personal posts like this right here on my blog.
So if you’ve also been stuck in the “I can’t do it. My work isn’t good enough. No one will care about my art.” Publish it anyway. Write it anyway. Paint the picture. Create what you’re feeling in your heart. The world needs your art. You might never feel like it’s ‘ready’, do it anyway. I’m writing this in hopes of me taking my own advice.
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